An Ocean of Questions

Some may think that writing, typing, or a simple expression of words can be such a negative sign of weakness. Yet we are always prompted by this current society to always express how we feel. To me, it seems like such a contradicting type of measure to put on a young adult who has been rushed into the hussle and bussle of University life, questioning who she is everyday.

Though I don't write, due to my horrible handwriting after a period of time, the next step closer to my expression of life has to be a blog. This isn't intended for an attention seeking opportunity, as I don't mind if someone sees my blog, or if no one ever sees it. If I were here for the attention, I would simply refer to Facebook.

So, where to start? I am simply a young lady that lives in a hurricane of mixed emotions on a daily basis that is blessed to have such an over protective father that wants the easy way for his only daughter, a mom that sees both sides to life, and a boyfriend that does have more positive qualities than negative, but some days can irk me to no end. Either way, I wouldn't change that part of my life for anything because I've been truly blessed.

However, friends... or shall I say "friends". I can walk down a street in Cheyenne, and usually see at least one person I know, but do they really know me? It used to be I would welcome any random stranger into my life to help give them strength, advice, sympathy, and that was how I built some of my friendships. Other friendships I made through cheerleading, or through my dad's office building. I can safely say I met people from all different walks of life, and they all proved to be the same. Once they were done with me, they deserted me.

I live currently as a college freshman in a drunken town of almost complete screw ups, and if they aren't complete, they're the few that persevere through their own self happiness and faith to somehow conquer a successful college undergrad. I don't necessarily "fit" into a group here, which is weird to me. I have a total of 4 friends, however one is my roommate and so I don't know how fair it is to add her into the mix. I'm in a class with the highest pre-nursing accepted applicants, so they competition is high as I fall behind after receiving a hard earned 2.0 GPA. To be honest it's quite pathetic that I am doing so poorly because I know some known alcoholics who are doing way better than me. Such is another concept to throw onto the pile of uncertainty.

Through this pile of uncertain ideas, concepts, ideas, and worries I find myself finding inner strength for one common goal, and that goal unfortunately is unacceptable to my father. I would hate to break the bond again due to some "silly" idea, however, when ones well being is screaming "MOVE TO COLORADO", I cant help but to pay attention.

Right now we're 8 month out from my first real deadline. Everyday I am always gaining knowledge to better prepare myself for what this goal is going to take, and it's not going to be easy. But maybe through this blog, you, if there is a reader, both of us can learn how uncertainty can sometimes lead to good things, rather than the road to continued solitude.

-B